An Eye For An Eye

Today I went to get my eyeballs checked out by the local eye guy besides I was a dork and hadn't used my vision plan this year yet. Nor last year. Idiot me, why deduct from my pay then. Don't ask me about the dentist. Yes I have had dental deducted too. But many many shiny instruments just remind me of a time that I just don't want to remember. Right. Mmmm sodium pentothal. Tastes great with crackers. Anyways so I finished the exam during my lunch hour and quickly browsed the available frames at the store but didn't end up choosing one yet since I am picky and want to at least get something that doesn't make me look like the geek I am already.

Maybe I can look more intellectual. I've had these frameless frames for a bout 2 years now, and they're a mixed bag. It's like, sure it looks kinda cool, but all the tensile stress is now thrust upon the 2 side and the junctions on the lenses where the bridge is drilled in connecting the two lenses. I'm actually on my second pair actually, luckily I had warranty and claimed it before the year was up. Like the lenses started cracking at the screws where they're drilled in. Kinda sucks. I've had the left over the left ear thing break off twice. You know you'd think these glasses would have gone through QA through and through, and the frames themselves, NON frames cost a blaring $300 ish. And that's with my vision plan discount, frames, Transitions, UV coating, scratch resistant, tint, sunroof, rims, turbo charged, nitro inject.

I've had Transitions lenses for the longest time now, within like 30 seconds of going outside or inside, they fade to black and then clear, respectively. It's pretty cool. Probably still more of a novelty thing since I don't know many people who have this feature on their glasses. It's like having one of those "Space Pen"''s that write underwater. Who the heck needs to write something underwater. Unless you're like a shark watcher taking notes. Ah he bit my arm off. Somebody please help if you read this. I'm writing with the severed arm. Take me to a second hand store down the street. In fact I don't know anyone who has Transitions, hey maybe I'm just way too cool, before my time, or I maybe I really just don't know anyone since I'm such a social butterfly.

Anyways they're cool and all but I'm thinking about not getting them this time. Aside from the fact that they are an unwelcome egregiously expensive addition to the final bill, it's just that taking pictures outdoors you actually never get to see my full face since it's all blacked out. Eyeballs that is. It's like automatic, not controllable. Wouldn't that be cool though to switch on the fly. I'm not talking about those weird looking magnetic sun visor lenses that go over your lenses. Then there are the ionized lenses which are kinda cool but unnecessary. What about night vision lenses built in. That'd cost an arm. But I digress. So anyways taking pictures sometimes I'd have to take my glasses off and it's so frickin bright that I'm super squinting so bad you can't see my face either. So I'm in a quandary. The dilemma. See what kind of problem I have . Y'all are worried about world hunger, peace and all that, and I have to worry about this!

Anyways, my friends all have contacts and stuff, and maybe I'm just a wimp since there just seems to be so much lead time required in maintaining that whole setup. Daily cleansing, can't fall asleep in them. Hard or soft. Exposure to noxious gases that might cause irritation. Getting too close to the campfire making your s'mores and accidentally melting your contacts onto your cornea from too-close proximity to the flame. That and the hair on your knuckles get burned off. Playing B-Ball outside of skool in West Philadelphia where you was born and raised and then having an accident and your eye gouged and the contacts lodged up in your ocular cavity threatening to sever your optive nerve. Yeah myopia would be the least of your worries at this point. Uh no, the horror, the horror. Don't wanna deal with that.

In conclusion, what was I saying. Well a lot of things. Optometrists. Opthalmologists. Oprah. Anyways, tomorrow I might get a chance to go shop and choose my frame and all the fixin's. So in honor of this occassion, I bring thee farewell with a haiku and may you see 20/20 in foresight, highsight, blindsight. See you later.

Hyperopia
Or myopia I have
Don't call me Four Eyes