I'll Take Impotent Potables for $400, Alex

On the recommendation of my friend Ryan, I bought me a Campbell's Soup at Hand lunch thingamabobber to try out, specifically the Pizza flavored, one of the cornucopia of colorful varieties. Drinkeable pizza? Too good to be true! It'd be like the coolest thing since machine-sliced bread. You know, a nice Chunky Soupish melánge of pepperoni, mixed with bits of pizza dough and random nuggets of melted mozzarella, with some chunks of ham, and/or Canadian bacon. Or something to that effect. It's supposed to be drinkeable pizza, right? I'm not really asking too much am I? That is what you're advertising right, Campbell?

Boy was I miffed when I find out yesterday that it is nothing but a watered down Spaghetti-O's with shrunken "O"'s as if they drank too much Mountain Dew with the infamous Yellow #5. Where's the pizza!!? Let Chef Boyardee do this own stuff, be original for once. Er actually Franco American I think. Wait, you make O's don't you. You'd think they'd basically take a decent size pizza, stick in the blender to produce a nice bucket of soupy goodness or something. But no, just make some generic tomato sauce kinda mixture, drop in bits and I mean bits of round pasta(!?) I don't see no pizzas that have pasta. This is too deviated from what a normal person's conception of drinkable pizza is.

If you were to have me head up the project to create this new item of food for a new line of lunch products, you bet your Mozzarella cheese I'd be planning a tasty alternative to everyone's favorite junk food food item. Something that is unique and yet pays homage to that which millions of college kids and youth consume on a daily basis to fulfill their cravings for the 6th food group, you know, grease. Alright I'm kidding about the grease but you know what I'm talking about. You know I'm talking about more chunks than soup. As for now this soup at hand is about to get handed into the great soup receptacle where bad soup end up.

My advice? Go buy you some Campbell's Select Italian Wedding Soup through my Amazon affiliate link or in your soup aisle. That is the good stuff and won't disappoint you. And you can drink it on occasions other than a wedding. That is an example of a true potent potable, Alex. And it's portable too. Have a good one, y'all.